Friday, December 26, 2008

Crazy Days

Well it's been a while since I have been able to blog and I think I am losing it....

My brother has been here for 3 weeks now and it has been quite an experience. One I will have to keep learning to deal with.

The first week was wonderful. Full of visiting, getting to know each other, and all the fun stuff that goes with it.
The Second week was frightful...not that he was the problem...but I learned a lot that week. We had to go deal with Social Security, Dr.'s, psychiatrists, community support people, pharmacies and every thing else that goes with mental illness that I had no idea of....and for the record...MEDICARE sucks. The very people you have to contact know nothing more than I did.
The third week was hectic, all the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, cooking, wrapping, you know what I mean...HAHA I made cookies and my brother was eating them faster than I could get them out of the oven! I made him stop by putting them in the freezer and telling him they were for Christmas! He acted like a punished pup! When I got all the candy and cookies done I set them out and told him it was open season now....yup, he got sick from over eating....But this boy is 27 yrs old, 6'1" and 210 lbs!

And now I am having problems because the last 3 mornings I get up, pour coffee and come in to sit in my usual spot on the couch for my morning wake up peace and quiet and go figure..there he sits! DAILY! Drinking MY coffee and leaving only one cup in the pot, so I have to pour my one cup and make more! At night he stays up until I am ready for bed and its a race to the bathroom to see who can get ready first!

Mind you these are petty things that I will get used to, but I LIKE my down time when no one is around but me...that is my personal time. I guess I will have to learn how to give it up.

Ever have a kid sit next to you or read over your shoulder when you are reading or blogging, or just sitting at the computer working? So not what I am used to, but apparently so what I will have to become accustom to.

I did learn that there are a lot of resources in this little podunk town that I was unaware of, and that is a good thing. Right now Little Bro has no desire to use any of those resources, but when the time is right I think I will gently push him toward some of them and let him know that he needs to use them.

Today thankfully I sent out a text for help to my son Chaos, and he came running to my rescue and came and got Little Bro and took him out to run around town. Bless that boy!

So today, the day AFTER Christmas I am thinking of my blessings and being thankful!! Yes, I am thankful to have Little Bro in my life for the first time ever ( maybe we will both benefit), and I am thankful for my Children who come running to my rescue when I need it most!

I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday and wish all of you a Joyous and Prosperous New Year!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Christmas Shopping

Now is the time to get started on Christmas shopping if you are a procrastinator like myself!

Some of you know that I have a web store, and I am offering a 30% discount on all items in the store. To get the discount simply use the promo code GRATA. To be sure that orders arrive by Christmas it is best to get them in by December 14th!! This site is sure to have something for everyone and I am adding new things daily.

I am hoping to get my brother picked up tomorrow and get the rest of the Christmas decorating here done on Sunday! Am I the only one who feels rushed during the holidays? It seems every year seems to come faster and faster....maybe it's just me getting old! I have learned however that the day will come and go no matter if I am ready or not, so I really don't sweat the small stuff anymore. If it doesn't get done , well maybe next year...

I have picked up a few new planning tips from Pro Homemaker's site. A big Thanks to her!!!

And I must tell you that my hubby has been a great help in helping get the house ready! And that is a major accomplishment, as he hates the holidays....but as a father and a papa, he does participate with a smile! As he is aging I continue to remind him of the memories he is now making for his grandchildren and he just melts like sugar in water.

And now work is calling, so you all have a great Holiday and a MERRY CHRISTMAS !

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

More ...

Well, I have been so busy getting things ready for the new addition to the house... getting things about there.

I have managed to move the office upstairs, go through all the STUFF I had stored up there for the last few years and throw out a bunch and box up a bunch and hopefully in the spring I will be able to put together a huge rummage sale. I have the office made into a bedroom complete with everything except a BED! Go figure, a bedroom with no bed...I am still looking for something in the "affordable" range for me. I have 3 days left until my brother arrives, I have faith that something will work out.

I got to talk to his Doctors and have a learned alot about his illness. He is NOT paranoid schizophrenic as I had been told....he has been diagnosed as Schizo-Affective Bi-polar Type. Now I have more research to so to understand that better. This is all so new to me. I am worried that I won't know what to do to help him or whats best for him. I guess the phrase "learn something new everyday" still applies. So I am a little apprehensive and yet excited at the same time.

We are also making plans for 2 of the grandkids birthdays this week. One will be turning 9 and the other will be celebrating her 1st birthday! I hope to have pictures to post after the parties!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Complicating My Life

Others have referred to their mixed up families in blogs and I am always able to keep up with the "half' sibling lines and the "step" sibling lines..Why?.. Because I have my own mixed up family.....

I have an older sister who shares the same set of parents with me...she is exactly 14 months older than I am. When I was 3 months old my parents divorced. My father felt the need to pursue his music career, beer, women, beer, well you get the picture.

Setting, early 1960's and my mother was a single mom with 2 very young girls to take care of. She took a job in a bar while attending nursing school. Needless to say, she had no time for children. Thus, my father was forced to take 2 kids he did not have time for. So we lived with my paternal grandmother for a while...We lived with my father's girlfriends for a while, and there were several of them....

Fast forward 6 1/2 years....My mother remarried to a wonderful man, had a son, and wanted us back....Ok, so we then live with her for 9 years. And have a "half" brother.

Nine years later...big throws us girls out, We move to Very Small Town Nebraska when I was 15. Culture shock for a teenager to move from Big City Kansas....
Dad was remarried by then, no more kids that we knew of...

Age 16, Dad takes off the California. I stay with Step mom. Age 17, Step mom gets back with dad, they move to Oklahoma.....without me! I stayed in Small Town and finished high school.

One year later I move to Oklahoma with them...find out I have a "half' sister that is 6 years younger than I am. Didn't meet her...but Dad and Step mom divorced over that one.

I take off and say to hell with everyone and end up back in Nebraska to start my own life....

Got married, had a daughter....Dad calls me, he is remarried and has a son with new wife....Now I have another "half" brother who is six months YOUNGER than my daughter...

2oo2, Dad dies, I meet my half sister and brother at his funeral. Stayed in contact with half brother, half sister seems to have fallen off the edge of the earth or doesn't want any contact.

2008, Half brother calls and wants to move to Nebraska to get a "fresh" start on life. Okay, no problem.....Then I find out he has never lived on his own, was a state ward, and takes meds as he has been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.

What the F*&k have I gotten myself into????? I can not say no to family, without trying first...and he IS family....

So for the next 3 weeks I will be rearranging my house to make the office back into a bedroom. Looking for a bed and dresser to get him started. Lining up Dr's, setting up his disability, and looking for a more permanent home for him. He is arriving with nothing more than a suitcase of clothes....This is going to be a serious task and I hope I have the strength to follow through with it...

I will be updating my progress and letting everyone know how it is going as I journey down this part of my life, and am thankful for the support I have from my family here and all my friends.


Friday, November 14, 2008

Today I am wondering if it is old age or what??

I woke up yesterday morning nearly unable to get out of bed. I figured I must have relly slept in a weird position to wake up that knotted up....nothing a hot shower couldn't cure I was sure. Well. WRONG.

Ok, patient babies and lots of heat later, still not better....

Next solution..Cranberry juice and water....A gallon of water and half a gallon of cranberry juice later...nothing.

Crawled back into bed hoping to feel better today.

Didn't happen.....It took nearly an hour of heat just to get out of bed. Drink another half gallon of cranberry juice, and I am talking the 100% stuff here not the cranberry drink cocktail shit, and another gallon of water.....and still not moving well. Any idea how hard it is to try to get up to pee after that much liquid? BAH

So now I am back to thinking a pulled or knotted muscle. What the hell did I do? Nothing I can think of, so I am eeking through today hoping to get a chance to soak in the tub this evening and call it an early night. Maybe if I am lucky I will feel better tomorrow!

If it is worse I will chalk it up to old age and call the DR.!!

One can only hope...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Veterans' Day

I would like to take today to say Thank You to all the veterans in my life, the ones I know as well as the ones I do not know. They have all given up part of their lives so that I may have mine.

Doesn't matter what your political views are, doesn't matter if you personally know a veteran or not. PLEASE take the time to attend a Veteran Memorial Service, a Veteran Parade, or just look around at all the common people around you and know that someone somewhere, put their life out there so that we could have ours.....

Men, Women, Fathers, Grandfathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Friends of ANY military branch....Today I just want to say "Thank You".

Monday, November 10, 2008

Great Weekend With Great Friends

I love it when friends come to town and we get the chance to have a fun time.....
Even if it is to much fun!
My very good friend from high school now lives in Nevada so we don't see each other as much as we would like....BUT, when we do...we do it right! Not bad for a couple of 40+ yr olds!

This was early in the evening, and I took over 100 pics! We were still sober here (well kind of).
A few hours later we were livin the good life and having fun!!

Celebrating Life and Happiness

Plotting against the men To Awesome Friends !!!!

And in July we are planning to meet up in Vegas for a few days! I can't wait...have already started saving for that trip!!

Remember to tell your friends how much you appreciate them, you never know when you won't get to see them often or at all. In today's world there are so many ways to keep in touch that we all need to take the few seconds to do just that! I know I will, this weekend made me realize just how much I miss not seeing them more often......

Full album of pics on My space!!!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Changed My Mind

It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind right? Okay, so I am changing mine !!

Phooey on the bad guys and lets get on with the good stuff!!

I have chosen to reopen my blog to the world..I like sharing my day to day feelings, it is what makes me human.

I am so happy that today is Friday and a very good friend from high school is in town today! My friend from Nevada is in Nebraska!!

This is going to be a GREAT weekend. Maybe if we get some good pictures I will post them on Monday, well maybe Tuesday, Mondays are busy for me.....

And oh yea.....I got the raise!!!! The email did wonders, and it was a good one. Three years worth of raises to be exact! I gotta do that more often. ;)

This weekend L. and I are going to try to stay away from the vegas bombs and reminisce our high school days with wine.....until we both remember how sick we got on it and choose to dump it....

So you all have a great and sane weekend, while I have a crazy one!
I swear I have a hard time gagging down wine and it is all from high school.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Okay, it has officially been decided!! There are to many gun toting, lying, low down, out right, sorry ass people on the internet....Not all mind you, but to many looking for the wrong kind of friends...
So with that I have decided that my blog is simply my diary. For my eyes only....For me to look back upon and remember the feelings of the day.

Some day when I don't have to fret that someone I tried to befriend will hunt me down with gun, I may choose to reopen it.

Today I have thought about every thing that has happened since March, and I guess I really deep down knew that when all the others were no longer around to be abused and accused, it would be my turn. But I stayed anyway....Maybe waiting for my turn, maybe not. Who knows.

But I do know that I will not stoop to the level of those who need an audience to be content. I will not live to hurt or be hurt by others. I have no desire to associate with those who will try to hurt you and when confronted, run and hide so that their new friend quests won't know the truth until it is to late....

Today I reclaim my life without internet I close blogspot and go back to my old blogging ground. Where I do not have to close out the world and let in the chosen few, but have the choice to close out only the few bad ones.

Paranoia will either kill you or send your ass to prison.....have fun with it if you choose not to seek help!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Last night as I quietly sat and reflected on the events of the day, my mind happened across something I had read. I brought it out and read each line one by one, and tried to relate each line individually with the events of my life. And I wondered why would this passage come to me now? Why now? Was God trying to talk to me, and if so what is He saying? Am I listening?
I am feeling the need for change in my life, and trying to decide if I need to follow my heart or my head. I thought this might help me decide, but after much pondering last night and little sleep, I am still confused and unsure. Maybe my answers will come soon. But I would like to share this little tidbit with all of you.....and remind you to be aware of the everyday Blessings that we have surrounding us.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Mother Teresa

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


As you all know my profession of choice is as a Daycare Provider. I just feel the need to share a story of a wonderful little girl who spends 5 days a week with me.

Setting the Scene:
Everyone who knows me knows that I am and have always been a candle freak. I love candles of all makes and scents. There are candles in every room of my house. I have a special candle holder in a special place where I go to light a candle and turn my troubles to God. When others need extra prayers, I light a candle for them and say a prayer. I have large candle holders that set in front of the plants so the children can't eat the houseplants. I never burn candles in these holders, but the candles are in them none the less.

Over all the years that children have been here, everyone of them have tried to get the candles and candle cups out of these holders. And every child has been told no-no and moved somewhere else and given something they CAN play with. After several times of diverting their attention I have not had any problems with them.

Now I have this beautiful 13 month old that knows what no-no means, understands it very well, and doesn't care! For the life of me I can not dissuade this child! For months I have been telling her no-no and moving her and even when she heads that way I remind her that those are no-no's and she can't have them.

She looks at me and takes a couple steps in that direction, lets me remind her gently, and takes more steps. She will stare me down while getting them! And then runs as fast as her little legs will take her, laughing all the while! I think she likes the chase and catch factor...

Today I have decided that the battle of the wills must be won (or lost)....

Today after the third diversion tactic, she got put in the pack n play for a time out....oh my word!
you would have thought the world came to an end! I rarely put children in a pack n play except at nap time, and she knew full well it was NOT nap time! After one minute I took her out, sat on the floor to play with her and she took off directly for the candle holders.......Soooo, she went back to the pack n play. So far she has had 3 time outs and I am still not winning this battle of the wills.

But we will keep trying and in the mean time she is the most adorable child, and she loves to snuggle with me in the mornings, and we will keep playing, learning and exploring together! And we will keep smiling when we look at each other!

Thursday, October 23, 2008


Oh man, I love taking road trips, but this one is going to be a doozy!

Just taking a short jaunt up the highway to see my mil, I LOVE my mother and father in law, they are totally awesome. I have been married for 28 years and they have been divorced for 28 years, but they are so awesome when it comes to the kids, they both show up for get-togethers and get along just fine.

I am really looking forward to seeing her, however.....2 of my sister in laws will be there. Normally that is fine, but Ma's health isn't so good anymore and this trip is going to be a major downer I am afraid.

You see one of them has a big fancy job with a major restaurant chain and makes more money in bonuses than most families make with a year's salary. Yep, the old "Holier than Thou because I got money" thing. The sad part is that her and I used to be as close as sisters....I miss that. But alas we all grow up and away. Her hubby is a major factor in the loss of our great relationship, however he can make her happy for life and I can't, so I just accept it.

The other sister in law is a Registered nurse and feels she is the ONLY one who can diagnose Ma'a illness. Oh she is sooo good that she is better than ma's Dr. She thinks!

So hopefully we can set that all aside and just be there for ma this weekend. And hopefully the weather will hold up so we can make the trip safely.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


Ugh..I think winter is trying to get here sooner than I had hoped for. Today is cloudy, windy and cold and the weather channel says we are going to get snow and rain mixed! Yuck, that means slick roads and shoveling the sidewalk. For me shoveling is early morning...Like before the sun comes up early! The guys do it the rest of the day, but 6 AM shoveling just down right SUCKS ! With every scoop I toss, I think of the daycare babies that won't fall and get hurt because of my hard work, and lots of rock salt!
Yea, that thought only lasts as long it takes to toss one scoop of snow!

But hey...I am going to make it a better day! ( I hope).

Today, I make the final payment for Steele Shadow's college tuition for this semester. Now I can save for January...

Today I make 'The Putz" happy, I turned on the furnace (finally). And if you have ever seen the movie Grumpy Old Men...Yea, Putz lives in my house!

Today, I am going to let the oven do more warming than the furnace, thats right I only set the furnace to 58.....But the daycare kids get to make and eat cookies today!

And for myself I am going to make it a better day, because I just sent an email to my boss. Yep the part time job boss. I have been working 15 to 20 hours a week for 4 years without a raise! The job is changing and requiring my schedule to be more flexible....I don't have flexible. I live a solid schedule when it comes to working. The job is also requiring more hours during a transition phase that will last a year probably. This will require me working well into the night some times. Soooo, You guessed it...if they want me to work that hard it's gonna cost someone! And the old nickel or dime shit won't cut it! It is time to get paid for my effort and inconvenience as well as my work.

Yep I am smiling, I think this ugly day is gonna be a great day for me!

Monday, October 20, 2008


I would like you to meet my family.

I have 3 (wonderful) children....Left to right is the oldest daughter, we will call her Para, next is the oldest son, Chaos and the far right is the youngest, Steele Shadow. And of course the middle 2 are the great creators of the the 3 musketeers.

And here you will see my own "Fantastic 4". Left to right again is Queenie, age 4 and known best for her ability to add drama to any situation. Sir Movesalot is in the middle, age 8 and best known for his agility and ability to move continuously even when falling. Far right is big Brother Sir Talksalot, age 11. He was born with the incredible gift of speech. He was talking in his sleep even as an infant. The boy never shuts up! And front and center is the amazing Princess Ican. She is now 10 months old and is convinced that she can do anything the others can do! And in her little mind, she knows she does it better!

And last but not least is the children left at home....Ozzie is half Great Dane and half Australian Shepherd and was rescued as a pup. And Schatzi is our baby at a whopping 6 months old in this picture. I trust these two with all my secrets, but not at all with my food!

Nice to meet you and we'll be right here, so stop by and peek into our lives any time!

Friend or Friend??

Today I ponder the concept of friendship....What is a friend?
I have many friends...Good friends. So what are the others who you know, and get along with most of the time, but you really don't know so well?

We all have them...
You know the person you have only met a couple of times. The one who is funny, smart, fun to be know, the one you talk to only in the comfort of their own little circle, yet when you invite them into your circle they kinda snub ya? The one that you go to great lengths to protect all the little "secrets" you know about. Yea thats the one I am thinking of.

How many times do you continue to invite them and listen to the excuses why they can't make it? How many times do you give them the opportunity to get to know you before you say oh well and walk away?
I like to make sure everyone is included, but some people just have to make friends on their own terms I guess. What a shame.

So I sit here and think of all the friends I would not have if I had failed to step outside of my "comfort circle". I am so very thankful for my good friends. Yep the ones who stepped into my circle and the ones who invited me into their circle. And especially the ones who have helped me to connect our circles. Yep I have to think those are my BEST friends.

So now what about the people we were great friends with as kids....yep the ones who we grew up with and then our lives split....Have you ever found one of those lost friends? I have.

What a disappointment that was.....sigh...To reconnect 30 years later and find out that they went farther with their post high school studies and had no children and worked so hard they closed out everyone else. And now they are to smart and you are to insignificant to be their friend anymore. They are no longer anything like the person you once knew. Of course I am sure I have changed too. You know after working and raising 3 children and moving to another state, I don't believe for one second that I am the same person I was 30 years ago...I am positive I am a BETTER person, with a full and healthy perspective on life.

I like who I have become, and I love my friends with all that I am. Yep even the ones who pretend not to know me when its convenient. Yep, even the ones who are not sure about my friendship loyalties to them. Yep, even the ones I don't know anymore. And yep, I like me....why?

Because to hate is to damn much work and I have enough of that already !!

So, my friends.....have a great day and I really do love you all.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Who I Am

I guess to start blogging, I should have a start point. Just so you know, I am a Mother, Daughter, Sister, Niece, Aunt, Grandmother, Wife and all around happy person. I have opinions, ideas, beliefs, and feelings.

I am the mother of 3 grown children(well almost grown). I have "Fabulous 4" grandchildren. I have a husband that has been in our lives for 28 years. Many years ago I grew weary of helping put money in some one else's pocket and decided to be self employed. I opened my daycare in my home, opened a web store after many attempts and lots of hours. And then I got tired of paying Uncle Sam out of my hard earned cash so I took a job for someone else. A real paycheck, you know the kind where they take out taxes and all that good stuff. So I just send that whole paycheck to Uncle Sam and it pretty well covers all the other taxes.

Somehow I ended up with more time to fill.....I must say that getting paid to "ChaCha" is a blast, but still a little more time to fill. So for enjoyment without pay...I play pool, you know hit the little balls all over the table and try to get them into those little pockets, yea that kind of pool. Twice a week I do that for fun. Tried golfing but was always wore out when I got done. Lots of fun, just a lot of work too.

What? Housework you say? What about housework? Oh yea, my weekends are dedicated to cleaning house, shopping, and spending time with the family.

And yes I do have friends!! Not the kind I see everyday anymore, but still good friends. And today I would like to start my journey sharing my life with all of you, so that you can all see how truly blessed I am.

Feel free to leave comments, remarks, add the things you like and let me know of the things you disagree with.